Understanding the Grieving Process: What Not to Do While Grieving

Grief is a deeply personal and often overwhelming journey. Therapeutically, it is viewed as a life-defining experience, from which each client emerges with a renewed self-identity. It touches every part of who we are: our emotions, our thoughts, even our physical health. So, whether you’re grieving the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, a job, or even a dream, this blog is for you!

As an international psychologist specializing in trauma, loss, and emotional regulation, I’ve supported many clients through various forms of grief. One thing I’ve learned is that there is no right way to grieve, but there are certain pitfalls that can make healing harder. In this blog, we’ll explore the natural stages of grief and gently uncover what not to do while grieving, so you can honor your pain while protecting your mental health.

What Is Grief, Really?

Grief is a natural emotional response to loss. While we often associate it with death, this overwhelming emotion can arise from any significant life change. It may manifest as sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, numbness, or a combination of all of these. There is no timeline, and the stages are rarely linear.

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While I do explore these with my clients, I also alert them that their experience may not fit neatly into these. Grief is unpredictable and unique to each individual.  

What Not to Do While Grieving

The grieving process faces many challenges. Certain behaviors, though often well-intentioned or unconscious, can deepen the pain or delay healing. Let’s explore some of the most common missteps to avoid:

Trying to “stay strong” or “push through” grief without acknowledging your feelings can backfire. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear; instead, they often resurface later in harmful ways such as anxiety, depression, or physical illness. Allow yourself to cry, to scream, to sit in silence, do whatever your body and heart need.

What to do instead: Create moments of emotional release, whether through journaling, talking to a friend, therapy, or expressive arts.

While it’s normal to want solitude, prolonged isolation can lead to feelings of emptiness and disconnection. Humans are wired for connection, especially during times of loss.

What to do instead: Choose one or two safe people to stay connected with, even if only for a short call or walk. Consider grief support groups or community events when you're ready.

Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. There is no “normal” amount of time to mourn. Pressure to “move on” often comes from external sources or your inner critic.

What to do instead: Allow your grief to unfold naturally. Healing is not about forgetting; it’s about integrating loss into your life story.

Overusing alcohol, overworking, overeating, or other numbing behaviors can provide a temporary distraction, but often prolong or complicate grief in the long run.

What to do instead: Seek healthy outlets for your pain—exercise, spiritual practice, relaxation therapy, or talking to a mental health professional trained in grief and trauma.

Each person grieves differently. What feels healing to someone else might feel unhelpful to you. There’s no universal “right” way to grieve.

What to do instead: Stay present with your experience. Trust your internal rhythm rather than outside expectations.

Honoring Your Grief With Compassion

Healing begins with permission. So go ahead, give yourself permission to feel, to remember, to rest, and eventually, to reimagine life after loss. If you find yourself stuck or overwhelmed, professional grief counseling can provide a safe and supportive space for processing, meaning-making, and emotional regulation.

At Professional Counseling & Consultancy Services, we specialize in helping individuals navigate complex grief using therapeutic modalities such as CBT, EMDR trauma therapy, and mindfulness-based relaxation training.

Grieving is a sacred and human experience. While pain may feel unbearable at times, it is not something you have to carry alone. By understanding what not to do while grieving, you protect your emotional well-being and give yourself the gift of healing.

You are not broken. You are grieving, and that deserves gentleness.